The Baby Juice Express

"One false move and the sperm gets it!"

2004 1h 25m EN

🙌

8.0

BANGER

★8.0TMDB · 1

CrimeComedy

Synopsis

Spoiler shield

A middle class London lad’s gangster fantasies go awry when his dodgy uncle puts them into debt to a real life crime boss. Still pulling strings from behind bars, the kingpin’s only desire is to conceive an heir by smuggling his sperm to his wife on the outside. There’s only one way the boys know how to raise the money fast … hijack the ‘baby juice express’. But kidnapping ‘baby juice’ turns out to be fraught with even more peril than the bumbling wannabes could possibly have imagined in this cheeky spin on the gangster genre. Starring Nick Moran (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels), with Julian Clary (one of Britain’s funniest) and Joe Bugner (former boxing champion and one of Australia’s toughest!).

“One false move and the sperm gets it!”

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Where to watch · US

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Cast

Nick Moran
Des
Nick Brimble
Krakowski
Lisa Faulkner
Lauren
Phil Davis
Frank O'Reilly
Samantha Womack
Trixie (as Samantha Janus)
Joe Bugner
Palooka
Julian Clary
Jason
Angela Douglas
Celestia

Credits

Behind the camera

Director: Michael Hurst
Writers: Nick Moran, Michael Hurst
Languages: English

Want more? Switch to Cinephile mode in the header for DP, composer, budget, box office, production companies, keywords, and release history.

Did you know?

Fun facts 🍿

1 / 8

RUNTIME

Did you know

85 minutes exactly — the "classic feature" runtime most directors aim for.

MoodPlayr · trivia#01

2 / 8

MONEY

Did you know

Shot for just $0.0M — micro-budget by Hollywood standards.

MoodPlayr · trivia#02

3 / 8

ERA

Did you know

Released 22 years ago.

MoodPlayr · trivia#03

4 / 8

ERA

Did you know

Lean credit list — fewer than 30 people officially credited.

MoodPlayr · trivia#04

5 / 8

DIRECTOR

Did you know

Directed by Michael Hurst, shot by Shane Daly. Note their partnership — DPs and directors often return to each other across a career.

MoodPlayr · trivia#05

6 / 8

DIRECTOR

Did you know

Original score by Mark Hinton Stewart. Worth a dedicated listen after — most great films lose half their impact without the score.

MoodPlayr · trivia#06

7 / 8

CAST

Did you know

Nick Moran and Nick Brimble and Lisa Faulkner carry the top of the cast.

MoodPlayr · trivia#07

8 / 8

FACT

Did you know

Marketing tagline: "One false move and the sperm gets it!".

MoodPlayr · trivia#08

Cinephile deep dive

The take

Michael Hurst directs. Shane Daly behind the camera. Mark Hinton Stewart scores. Runs lean at under 100 minutes. Dialogue in English.

Trivia

Things worth knowing

185 minutes exactly — the "classic feature" runtime most directors aim for.
2Shot for just $0.0M — micro-budget by Hollywood standards.
3Released 22 years ago.
4Lean credit list — fewer than 30 people officially credited.
5Directed by Michael Hurst, shot by Shane Daly. Note their partnership — DPs and directors often return to each other across a career.
6Original score by Mark Hinton Stewart. Worth a dedicated listen after — most great films lose half their impact without the score.
7Nick Moran and Nick Brimble and Lisa Faulkner carry the top of the cast.
8Marketing tagline: "One false move and the sperm gets it!".
9IMDB entry: tt0295181 — still the authoritative cross-reference for credits and trivia.
10Only 1 TMDB ratings — you're getting ahead of the curve on this one.